Sitting here alone and bored out of my mind. I feel different now-a-days. I doubt its the weather change because its still cold as ever. I nolonger feel sad or for that fact suicidal. I have no idea how I've stopped my depression. I'm sure its still their, lingering waiting for my most vulnerable moment to attack.
I need to sort somethings out. Possible in this order:
Realize why I am still so shy and over come it in 2 weeks time.
change my life in 2 months time.
do I need approval from others
is joining the air force what I really want?
I see the many truths in life. I have too many scenarios that run through my head for anyone situation. Anyone of those can be true. I wonder if I can manifest those scenarios into truth.
For years I've needed help. I guess I was to proud or more realisticly too shy to ask for help. I have pushed so many people away from i'm surprised I still have friends. I have friends but no close friends. Their are times when I just want someone to talk to and the person I would like to talk to is not around.
I need to let go off the past, but I can't because I can't help but think of what could have been between me and Lizzy. If I could have just expressed my feelings and stop being so fucking shy. This shyness is like a dissease, not like it is a disease. I need a cure. I need help. I'm fighting this depression along. No meds. No psychiatrist help. No help from friends, they probably have no idea.
I want to be happy. I want someone to say they love me. I want the girl of my dreams. Like Krystyn, Mary, Perla, Lizzy, or even Suhkjit.
(January 19 - February 17)
1) Say goodbye to relationships that have taken more from you than they've given. Enough.
2) Encourage your friends to do the same.
3) Eliminate any encounter - romantic, professional or familial - that brings negative feelings into your life.
4) Allow real closeness into your life.
5) Let that first New Year's kiss signify the start of a truly intimate partnership.
I got into GMU. Congrats to myself. I do have a couple of things to consider before I enroll in the spring. First decide if I want to change my major and if so to what and second see if I can get financial aid to help pay for school, or atleast get scholorship considerations.
I like this quote:
"God is beyond color and form, yet his presence is cleary visible." I read it somewhere and liked it. I just can't remember where I read this wrong.